Clear Mind, Calm Action, Connected Hearts

Connection is key to raising happy, healthy children. But what if we're not feeling it?

What if all we're feeling is tension? ...frustration? ...stress?

I'm guessing that's all of us at one point or another. I've been there too, lots and lots of times.

We might call these moments something that feels really true:

a

big

huge

PROBLEM

• Ugh! We've got to get out the door, we're late again, I've told my son to put his shoes on ten thousand times already this morning! Why does he make everything so difficult! It's like he does it on purpose or something!

• I've asked my teenager (nicely!) how her day was and all I got was an eye-roll and "stop pressuring me mom!" before she storms up to her room and slams the door.

• My toddler keeps hitting me when she's mad, even though I've gone over and over how we treat people and use kind hands, she still does it!

These are jarring moments. All of a sudden, tensions are high, and everyone's on guard. It can feel like everything's thrown off and we've taken a huge step backwards.

But what if these problems aren't problems?

What if these problems are an ordinary and natural part of our life? How might we approach it differently?

Right away something changes, something that we actually have control over as parents: how we choose to see our child.

Instead of an enemy who's out to get us and make our lives difficult, we have an ally, a partner, a buddy, a friend.

An ally is someone who's on our team. Another way to say it is, we belong to each other. We're in this together.

But in this moment our ally, our friend, has different needs than ours, and a great deal of difficulty expressing that in a calm way:

• I want my child to put his shoes on; my child wants to play.

• I want to talk with my teen; she wants privacy and space, alone.

• I want respect and safety, it hurts getting hit; my toddler wants to paint the wall instead of the paper and doesn't like hearing she can't.

...what turns this problem into 'not-a-problem'?

...what turns this problem into a regular part of life?

...what bridges the divide between being separate people with different wantsANDpeople who belong together?

You've guessed it:

Empathy is the bridge.

Compassion is the language of connection.

Your clear mind,

Your calm action,

Connects your hearts.

Instead of a problem we have another moment in our life.

Instead of a problem we have an opportunity:

an opportunity to connect.

With empathy, it's a lot easier to help them understand they need a better way to communicate. In other words, it's a lot easier to set limits and help guide their behavior for next time and their future selves.

Empathy is the sustenance that nourishes and sustains our children throughout their lives, bolstering them amid the constant stress and pressure of modern day life. They know there is a safe haven. They know they will always belong, no matter what.

With so much love,

Vanessa